DOESN'T HAVE ONE

         Hiiii Bowties, you might be wondering what the title of today's episode is, and it DOESN'T HAVE ONE. I'm writing this episode simply to give you an update on my life and my journey [and we both know you wouldn't be reading this if that was the title], so we'll be talking about what I'm allowed to talk about... so the past few weeks have been interesting, to say the least ..... I don't think my life has ever been this confusing and funny

. So I'm gonna start with my TikTok. I did what everyone tells you not to do and blocked 50 of my followers coz I realised they were mostly kids from my school. No one wants kids from their school to view their content [ in hindsight, I realise how stupid and immature I acted], and now I genuinely need help with my social media, so first help me out, then come back https://linktr.ee/Tygad

In alignment with the TikTok news I got a few followers this week and i have to say it kinda gave me an ego boost and then it felt like a landslide from British Columbia hit me when i posted a YouTube video and over night it got 1 view but as Phoebe bridgers said "id stand on the corner embarrassed with a picket sign if it meant i would see you when i die" just in this case you'd see me too[hopefully that made sense]

Oh, I promised to end with the best update, which is that the video I posted on Instagram a few weeks ago finally got some traction. I'm sooooooooo happy. 

So the question I'm sure we all have on our minds is: IS IT that EASY TO GET FAMOUS ???

Tune in for next week's update. Here's a song I wrote called Difficult

I love you

till then Bowties

BALANCE BEAM

             HI GUYSSSSSS. Welcome to another episode of TyJustTalks, and today, as I promised, we're pivoting, and we're gonna be talking about the phenomenon called BALANCE........ We're all faced with times in our lives where we're forced to choose, and sometimes, especially in your something-teen, you just don't wanna. So you have to learn balance, but it's really hard to walk on a balance beam when you're just learning how to walk, or in this case, you're just learning about your future and taking responsibility and stuff [shitty metaphor......I know, but I actually do believe that this is an important conversation to have when it comes to young creatives 

        when you're in young and learning life, it's really difficult to be focused and stay locked in [ i said that at the risk of sounding 75], but it's true, and in my situation it's especially difficult to balance everything coz it would be fair if the weight was equal on both sides, but its not i'm carrying 100 pounds on one end and carrying 7 tonnes on the other and when you're carrying that and you`re made to walk the balance beam its hard to not crumble under the weight of it all.  Don't feel bad for me, coz I chose this cage and threw the key away, so I'm perfectly fine with it; I'm exactly where I want to be [not in terms of current visibility, but with the career prospects]. I'm sure we'll get that visibility one day]   

      So enjoy this totally life-changing piece of information [ laugh-cry emoji] 

Thanks for reading the third and shortest episode. It's late, and I'm going to bed or about to write the next episode either way. Bye, bowties 

I love you

EMBARRASSMENT

    Embarrassment, hmmmm, such a familiar feeling. Embarrassment in the social context, especially when it comes to people in their something teens and twenties, is a killer; the fear of being shamed or being perceived is a poison that has slowly but surely embedded itself into the teenage social environment. It's gotten to the point where being bold and creative enough to step out of the imaginary boundaries that have been created for you is seen as either crazy or cringe. Wanting something and going after it is now shameful

    I often hear the saying which says "to be cringe is to be free", but when you're in your something teens, it's really difficult to not let the pressure of sameness get to you. Even trying to be individualistic in a world full of xeroxes of one person is seen as uncool; people tend to overlook how nerve-wracking it is to put yourself out there. I remember being 13 and posting my first cover on my first TikTok account, and by some streak of luck or bad luck, as some may say, the video appeared on the for you page of a classmate, and he downloaded it and shared it, and I kinda went viral at the school(said video now sits at about 1500 likes). Although the video was doing well, I didn't feel like a winner and wasn't proud of it coz the video was being consumed locally and didn't reach the target audience [ to be fair, I really wasn't after a target audience at thirteen]

    Back then, I ensured nobody knew how I felt about it by turning my shell bulletproof, but making said shell bulletproof didn't make it soundproof[and trust their words shot to kill]. Acting smug and unaffected on the outside didn't make me feel better or lighter, and now, reflecting on it, I wonder if it's possible to not feel affected by the outside noise and if it's possible to actually not be afraid of being labelled "cringy"

IS ANYONE A HUNDRED PERCENT FREE FROM THE SHACKLES OF EMBARRASSMENT ???? and do those who conform to the standards set for them ever want more? Is it more embarrassing to be an outcast or a suck-up? These are the questions that plague my mind.........

. As a gift for coming back, here's the first draft of a song I wrote called The Knife. wrote this version and recorded it in BandLab on my first day using the app,
So give me some grace. Couldn't do an acoustic really coz it's more upbeat. Hopefully you enjoy this, but next time it'll be an acoustic video, I promise. Tell me what you think about it.

Thank you for coming back for the second episode. I promise that for the next one we're pivoting and talking about something juicy [hopefully you find it juicy; I just might be boring]

byeeeeeeee

A JOURNEY FROM ZERO ( literally)

               I feel like ahhh

           In your teens, everyone everywhere tells you to take things slow and enjoy your life. I really question how much of that applies to me. I feel like in life, especially at this age, there are a lot of moments which we forget to savour and enjoy a lot of things(we try) but are too caught up with other shit to see all the beautiful things life has given us. I wonder how much I've missed because of stress. I'm so stressed I think I'm gonna start greying any day from now [insert laughing emoji with a hint of fear]. Every day I'm stressed about followers and how many people are watching the covers I'm posting. I even posted my first original song to TikTok yesterday; it's called Will You Cry and it's currently sitting at five likes FIVEEEE{where I got the inspiration for the title}. This makes me fear time, and if the advice that everyone tells you about putting yourself out there actually works. What happens when you're standing on a stage performing but everyone's looking the other way? It's really difficult being this age and having to figure out so much. I also have my work-school balance to think about ( trust nothing is balanced over here), or maybe the scale's just broken; I'm not really sure. I feel like I have to give up one for the other, and that's not something I'm willing to do, but my life has gotten so busy lately, and that's not even what makes it exhausting; it's exhausting coz I feel like my efforts aren't being appreciated, but that won't stop me, just like the Maya Angelou poem "still i rise" says 

       "Just like hopes springing high, still I rise"

     Oh, and as a gift for reading this, here's a poorly shot and badly edited video of the original song I talked about before. It's called "Will You Cry" Hopefully you do, coz the person I wrote it about dgaf about me.

Monday wisdom: I'm really good at typing